The questions with no right answer

If there is one thing that I think any parent of a heart child (or any child with a critical illness for that matter) has asked, it would be: Why me?  And that question goes hand in hand with: What did we do to deserve a life like this?  Why my child?  But now I've come to realize; Why not me?  Why not our family?  I am no better or no different than any other loving parent on this Earth.  Nothing protects us from the cruel reality of this world.  When we became pregnant with Alyssa, we already had one girl and one boy.  So of course I was always asked the age old question......what do you want, a boy or girl?  And I can honestly say, I didn't care.  All I wanted was what any parent would want.....a healthy baby.  

To this day I still wonder why God chose us to be the parents of a heart baby.  Not just any heart baby, ours was one in a million.  And when I say that, I truly mean it.  Alyssa really was almost 1 in a million.  I'll discuss this more later as I explain all the congenital defects that we came to find out later that Alyssa had. 

But there is one thing I'm certain.  Alyssa was loved.  She touched the lives of so many without even meeting them.  She is making a difference in the lives of others and thankfully with the help of Mayo Clinic, she will help in the research of Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and will help create a better future for other HLHS children. 

I don't regret one moment I got to spend with Alyssa.  She changed my life.  I'm forever grateful that I got to be her mother.  And no matter how much it hurts that she is no longer here with us, I know in my heart she is waiting for us.  Someday we will get to see her again.  And until then, I will continue to do what any mom would do.  I will talk about my child and share her story with anyone that listens.  I will continue to raise awareness for congenital heart disease, b/c even if my impact is small, it is still an impact.  Alyssa will be remembered and cherished in our lives forever.  Her memory will live on and she will continue to make a difference.

In our arms for 5 days, in our lives forever